woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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