My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
