Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
