Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
