Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
