omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
