you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
