The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
