i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
