Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
