Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She even gives head with a lisp.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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