Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
