the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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