just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
