so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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