As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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