Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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