Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
