Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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