so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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