You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
