i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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