i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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