what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
