1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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