it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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