Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
