So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
