As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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