I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
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