end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
