Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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