Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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