im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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