He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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