I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
