woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
