I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
