So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
