You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
