Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
