i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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