Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
