if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
