Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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