I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
