garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
