Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
