she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
