WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
