Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
