If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
